Passionate Lives

I have a very big friends circle, and i am very very proud of them.. I see them prosper , some slowly and some meteorically and i am happy.. But then I also see them switching jobs, one for another not very different because it gives them a higher package, more money to buy stuff that they think will make them happy or atleast keep them occupied.. Very rarely do i see passion, that incredible emotion that keeps one going no matter what.. I have seen very small glimpses of it, sometimes at work , sometimes when friends are talking about a topic they love, and most of the times its scared me.. For to have passion for something/someone is scary for me.. It gives a person an unbelievable drive, a reason to live and sometimes to die for.. It is amazing for a bystander, almost like a flame to a moth.. Attractive but dangerous.. To live life so completely is something i envy about them, for them there are no alternatives, no safety nets, nothing to fall back on.. Their friends although caring just dont understand it.. They might accept it, even encourage it.. Because it is amazing to watch..

I know i have and i always will..

The Choice of Options..

The thing about life is that most of the constraints that we set are created by us. There are a hundred things i can think of where i have been my own biggest setback.. Actually its not just me , most of the people around me knowingly or unknowingly are their own biggest obstacles.. The human minds capability to think, has in a way been the reason for this. Given the usual state of affairs, there is not much to think about and so we spend mroe than needed time on thinking over and over on the little things we have on our minds.. And almost always, the positives start getting out numbered when u pass a certain limit ( the actual time you should spend on anything).. Then the negatives start piling up (the extra time being one in itself).. and once it reaches a point when u have exhausted yourself of all possible negatives (because the positives are obvious u dont dwell on the idea that there might be more), u usually decide that the idea isnt worth executing.. Try doing something just like that and you might be labelled reckless.. Why  coz someone around you finds it unnerving that u can come to a decision so quickly.

In the end , the wide arena of choices we have end up being two or three which are usually the same thing in different shades (or as i like to say colors).. Sometimes , just sometimes these decisions are made due to some external influences (most often people close to us).. We feel that it might hurt them if we do something and then dont bother asking.. People, you might feel that way , but if the people actually care they might let you have your way coz thats what YOU want.. I dont claim to be any different. On the contrary, i usually avoid all decision making totally.. But recently this one person has got me to question that.. And it is scary , because the answer is obvious.. That maybe all i need to do is ask (myself or whoever else it is) not for permission , but for consent. The scary part is that if they say yes, then the decision taking will lie entirely on me, and then i cant keep from making it.. Having options is frankly unnerving, because then the choice you make is truly and totally your own ( and u can blame noone else for it) , u have to live with it for the rest of your life… For better or for worse..

Do you really want to know?

Sometimes being grown up gets to me, u wish u were just a child , or could jst act childishly and expect everyone else to understand… sadly it isnt so..

There are some things u just cant do as a grown up.. Grapple with ur friends or ur brother.. Pull the hair of a girl u dont like for no particular reason.. U even loose the wonder of watching TV once u are old enough to watch anything that is rated anything.. Enid blyton books seem so kiddish.. Archies loose its fun status.. Your focus shifts to other things that are supposedly fun (right now i cant even recollect them)

I dont know if its just me or have all others like me grown out of the childish inquisitiveness that once was my only path to true knowledge.. I still believe  i have learnt more from books and TV than i ever did at school ( except maybe for the social studies classes in 9th std, but thats another story).. Then the only time i didnt usually asked questions was when we had guests at home, that too the old scary ones who said kids needed t be disciplined..

Now, when i actually realise that theres so much more to learn and so little i know, the i-am-scared-to-ask-coz-i-might-look-silly syndrome has taken over.. Maybe because the few times i did , it felt like i had put a whole leg in my mouth.. Its crazy but true.. For eg, while it was easy to have a crush on any girl in the wrld and talk to/ask your friends about it , now having a crush is not only making yourself the butt of a thousand jokes but it also includes a whole strategy meet to find out if it is feasible, then to find out if it is worth the effort and finally to identify the easiest (read the funniest for everyone else) way to the gals heart..

The stupid example apart, i am now a little scared of asking meanings of words i dont know.. Of asking directions coz men are never lost..  even asking for the time seems stupid these days.. And if working in an environment that is not all black suits like i expected corporate life to be, then i wonder how i’ll survive in that world, where one doesnt ask questions but starts running the moment a boss says this is what you are gonna be doing, no wy, no how, and no what-does-this-actually-mean..

Ofcourse it does give you a little leeway because your boss cant question your ways either coz he doesnt know if his question is vaild (read he doesnt know whether the cow poo u feed him is actually acceptable ,coz it has a fancy name in which case he is making a fool of himself..)

What goes around comes around my friends, on that thought i leave you to cook up your own versions of cow poo.. Adios..