Inhibitions about ambitions..
I have never ever actually had ambitions… Other than wanting to be rich and not famous.. And that wasnt ambition, it was just a wish.. But somehow i have realised that i always seem to have all the money i really want.. Which made me take a look at the people around me.. And noone i know has clear ambitions.. No 5 year plans, no life time achievement plans, nothing.. Most people dont even know wat they wanna be in the near future.. Or what they want or wish for.. Of course, most people know what they dont wanna be, and dont wanna do or dont wanna end up as..
Somehow i feel education is to blame for it.. It has given me a view point that puts things a little too clearly into perspective.. It has defined things in terms i didnt really wanted to know and proved to me that it is better to have a dream and just pursue it than put disheartening facts together and realise that dreams are just fancies that dont really come true. that utopian worlds dont exist, that pink tinted glasses dont work.. Add to that the realisation that i cant see another ad without analysing target markets and effectiveness and that although i earn decently enough my lifestyle will keep pace with it and that there is no too much.. plus that my life will now be engrossed in getting settled, then getting married, then getting a bright future for my kids , then getting them married, then wishing for grandchildren etc etc etc.. (its a vicious bloody cycle)
How i envy the undereducated who jump the bandwagon and land up in mumbbai hoping to be film stars, hwo some kids live through life hoping to make it into the indian national team ( or an ipl team these days)..
But then it isnt really that bad.. I got atleast two more years before starting the vicious cycle.. And right now i aint bogged down by responsibilities or family ties, i dont have a fatal illness, i am not obssessive compulsive, i am not a workaholic, an alcaholic or a druggie.. M absolutely normal life helps me enjoy the small happenings as big events, my small friends circle ensures more memories and my bad job profile has helped me meet wonderful people.. How not having an ambition has given me the satisfaction of small things achieved…