On Marriage…

Midhun is getting married , soon… For the uninitiated midhun aka mathai is my best friend from school, St.Peter’s kadayiruppu.. This news is of cosmic consequences to me and quite a few people around me.. It was a very rude wake up call to me (and quite a few of the old gang) that soon, very soon i would have to walk an aisle too.. Indians are still a very conservatively arranged marriage supproting community.. There are a thousands whys and why nots that have been traded on this front and so i am not even starting on it.. I am just going to present my view on marriage..

Somewhere around the 25 – 30 age group guys/gals in India are suddenly of marriagable age.. How and when they get there is still a mystery.. The fact that the guy/gal is not ready, prepared or just not in a state of mind does not change it.. Add to this the fact that most guys/gals bend under pressure from parents, nosy neighbours and nosier relatives because they have simply given up on love.. Love doesnt happen in India , or rather it is often left unexpressed.. Given the odds that we have a 120 billion population our chances should be greater, but sadly they aint.. Most guys are just not ready to accpet rejection, some feel that being burnt once is good enough.. But mostly it is just that our upbringing has left us uncapable of doing anything that we feel might remotely cause worry to our parents, a very commendable trait i agree but out of context..

Once the pressure starts building up on the guy/gal, he/she ends upp giving “The Nod”.. Please notice that the Nod is almost a heaven sent to parents, an agreement they were waiting for and a green signal for them to embark in search of the perfect bride/groom for their very eligible child.. Luckily the grand family trees are always around to throw up a thousand proposals of suitable mates who are just perfect for “our”  child.. Its almost like a competition, each branch pushing for its contender.. The poor mother (mothers somehow end up incharge of bride/groom selection, dads very cleverly taking themselves away from any chance of being blamedd for anything later.) then starts the process of elimination, working almost like sherlock holmes to find the smallest negatives to rule out candidates.. The ones that pass this scrutiny then have to face sisters/ brothers who use their networks to then silently “enquire” about the person.. By the time a guy/gal finally reaches the final level of approval , almost the whole family is rooting for him/her.. And when it is shot down for something as immaterial as “we just arent on the same wavelength” or “we just couldnt get along” the child is in for it.. After all given the pedigree, family lineage and status of the guy/gal it is almost stupid to say no.. And all hell breaks loose..

Midhun has his sister and his mother throwing each others choices out the window.. but sooner rather than later , his bachelorhood is history..

As for me, i am happily standing by the sidelines and watching the show, and secretly hoping by the time my turn comes i can find enough layers of filtering that will ensure that noone gets through.. 😀

To all those who share similar fates, all the best.. and to those who think themselves lucky to have found the perfect mate, i just wish u never wake up..

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2 thoughts on “On Marriage…

  1. hey, great post- spot on! It made me laugh!all my aunties/uncles/grandparents/parents are worried cos i’m “that age” too! Its good to be indian and know the value of community, but we are way too tied to our families sometimes. Growing up means making decisions (esp important ones like relationships) for ourselves. Unfortunately an indian upbringing leaves us with pretty poor tools to make those decisions – and we get swept along by all those worried relatives (cos we’re worried ourselves). Good luck with ‘standing on the sidelines and watching the show’. Hope you do more than that and find your way out – to your dreams and to your true self!

  2. Hey, i came to know abt midhun getting married now only 🙂

    and regarding ur post – i believe that i ahve found the perfect mate – n i am not sleeping dreaming 😀

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