Before Sunrise is a nice movie.. not gr8, not the best of the best but nice..
A thought in the movie got me started on this particular write.. I am not actually all that grown up.. Ya , i am now officially 24 and an MBA holder.. but that is all secondary..
The primary thing is that i dont feel it.. i still laugh at jokes i laughed at when i was 14, i still like pretty much the same things (football, books and movies) .. i still look at the world through pink tinted glasses.. i have done things to try and fit into the best way i wanted my future self to be, i still do it.. (ok blogging isnt one of those things..)
but i realize now that its all futile… i knew marks and report cards didnt matter a long time back.. i thought an education did but as i grew older all the really famous were mostly college drop outs or seriously retarded.. i have seen people sweet talk their way out of trouble and into positions of power.. i have seen unwarrented gifts given to undeserving people.. and i am not surprised.. These things happen.. Its happened since time immemorial.. a word of advice to all those who lose sleep over exams , it isnt worth it.. ya , the first ranked guy might land a lucrative offer in the short term.. but money isnt all thats there to it.. ( u could always marry a rich better half and get it all for free, wink wink)..
Fame isnt what i am after either, i prefer a invisible existence actually.. i like the idea to be able to walk out your door and do anything u like without worrying about who might see u and splash u all over the news..
I am selfish, wont disagree to that, deep down inside everybody is.. (Ya u can not agree and call me all sorts of names , it doesnt change a thing)..
The only problem is i have no direction now.. after 10th it was maths and computers coz i sucked at biology.. then the computer science had me hooked enough to take up engineering at the end of which i decided i didnt want to spend a life typing random code into a screen( no hard feelings , dear programmers.. i just cant do it, u can)
So MBA was the next best option.. Now i have finished that too.. Suddenly i have a job( ironically in a software firm).. and i have till june to join.. All this free time and financial restrictions added with the hot weather has set my mind to think about a lot of things, but basically about me(told ya am a selfish guy).. And i realise my life is indeed the best it can be under given circumstances, but theres really no feeling of achievement, no sense of euphoria.. The only thought is “how does a person ever decide on what he wants to do?. how does one find out this is for me?”.. How does one get that dream jbo , when i dont even knw what to dream about?
So yes , i have no direction..
PS: i was musing abt 19 year olds who lacked direction.. well, growing older is not growing up 🙂